Things didn't change this year, as network executives used ever more narrow ratings numbers to make their cases to Madison Avenue types. All the number-spinning, though, couldn't top WB head Jordan Levin's comparison of "Dawson's Creek" to "The Graduate."

As a way of thanking the cast of the now-departed series and creator Kevin Williamson, Levin told his audience Tuesday (May 13) that years from now, "Dawson's Creek" will be just as important a document of young-adult life at the turn of the 21st century as "The Graduate" was of its era.

We're not holding our breath on that one.

Levin's pronouncement was one of the wonderfully absurd moments that came out of this year's upfronts. Here's network-by-network breakdown of some of the others.

ABC

As was the case last year, late-night host Jimmy Kimmel provided the best moments of the network's presentation. While network chiefs Lloyd Braun and Susan Lyne trotted out the expected we're-on-our-way-back pep talk, Kimmel had a more half-empty take on the network's status.

"We know we're not No. 1, and let's face it: We're probably never going to be No. 1," he said. "But you're not spending your own money here. Do you really want to give it to those pompous assh***s at NBC?"

He also had this to say about ABC's plan to devote four hours of coverage to the wedding of "Bachelorette" couple Trista Rehn and Ryan Sutter: "You hate to see them run off and live happily ever after without us making any money on it."

CBS

The CBS upfront began with the Broadway cast of "Chicago" singing a parody of "All that Jazz" opening with "Come on babe/It's time to pay upfront/For all those ads" and somehow included the line "NBC eats horse's ass."

Noting that "some of my best friends are 18-49," CBS chairman Les Moonves downplayed the importance of demographic numbers and compared the network's 18-54 deficit to the population of Toledo.

As the season's most watched network, Moonves stood his ground like the playground bully, joking about the failing ratings for the other major networks, but was still able to make a joke about the mysterious scheduling disappearance of the late, lamented "Baby Bob."

FOX

"I've heard some bad presentations in my lifetime, but that was the worst," Simon Cowell told FOX Entertainment President Gail Berman at the halfway point in her upfront duties. Berman hugged Simon and sent him on his way, threatening that she could have invited Paula Abdul instead. Hugging Simon didn't leave her as flustered as a brief encounter with "24" star Kiefer Sutherland, whose embrace left Berman stuttering for five minutes (just as it did last year).

The show opened with performances by American Idols past and present as Ruben and Clay sang solos in Los Angeles and then joined Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini in New York for a rendition of "Ain't No Mountain High Enough."

NBC

A running tradition at the NBC upfront is to count the number of times NBC execs use the word "upscale" (aka: rich, white, educated). After hitting a record high of nine last year, the word popped up at least 12 times in Entertainment President Jeff Zucker's presentation.

The upfront opened with the cast of "Will & Grace" singing and dancing to the "NBC Rock Opera." Beyond proving that Debra Messing is the show's only cast member who can't sing, the skit contained this verse on the subject of NBC's loss of "Friends" to the tune of "Dancing Queen:" "We hate to see it go/ But maybe all that dough/ Will go to the show with the queers."

As she walked off the stage, she hugged Zucker and his mic picked up her closing comment, "I hate this s**t."

UPN

It's safe to say UPN is embracing its hip-hop image, despite the fact that it cancelled the well-reviewed, but underwatched, "Platinum." After being introduced as the "Media Mack" by new sitcom star Eve, CBS and UPN chief Les Moonves asserted that the network's new schedule is "off the hizzle."

"I hope some of you know what that means, because I don't," he added.

The entire presentation had a wacky-executive theme, as there was a video of the network's head of sales learning the ropes -- "pun intended," he noted -- at "WWE Smackdown!" and a doctored photo showing an all-business in front, party in back Moonves sporting a mullet, in honor of the new sitcom "The Mullets."

The WB

Soon after Levin's equation of James Van Der Beek with Dustin Hoffman, he introduced "Smallville" star Michael Rosenbaum to talk about the show's move to Wednesday night.